Oh, By The Weigh | 5.27.12

Finally. FINALLY! Finally I think things are moving in the right direction. I was down 1.5 lbs this week. Which means I have lost a total of 30.5 lbs since starting this thing. I'm pretty much back where I was a year ago...but this time I have confidence that I'm going to keep this momentum going and get out of the freaking 180s! I'm in the best shape I have ever been in. I'm eating great 90% of the time. Only thing I want to work on is losing the booze. (But it's just so tasty and fun!)

• Great workouts again this week. And I'm having fun doing it. AND! Running has really become a stress reliever. Instead of sitting on the couch and stressing, I'm getting myself outside and running. It feels good. 
• I think I'm handling stress much better in general. I felt pretty great this week. A few moments of freaking out as I dealt with the not so fun stuff, but overall I'm doing pretty good. And most importantly, I'm not avoiding anymore. I'm being more proactive. And I think I'm figuring out what is really important to me and getting rid of the rest. 
• I cooked a few great meals this week. Which is HUGE for me. I don't cook. But this week I made a great quinoa, mango and black bean salad (I added some grilled chicken to make it more of a meal) and I grilled all on my own (I made this, but cooked the meat and tomatoes on the grill). It's been fun! It's been fun to have someone to cook for. And hopefully I will continue to experiment.
• I wasn't the greatest at tracking this week. Again...if it's hard to track, I usually don't. With lots of new foods and recipes this week, it was hard to track. But I would say that I fueled my body with good stuff this week. I'm still working on changing my attitude about food. Trying not to look at food as good or bad, but as fuel for my body so that it can keep doing the amazing things it's doing. And sometimes that fuel includes a donut on Sunday morning. :)   

• Sunday: Rest Day
• Monday: Gym - Arc Trainer for 30 minutes; Circuit with cardio 
• Tuesday: 3.87 mile run on the boardwalk (a surprise great run...wasn't expecting it)
• Wednesday: 34.21 mile bike ride to Sandy Hook (was a great morning, loved the ride!)
• Thursday: Rest Day
• Friday: 3.39 mile run in Nyack
• Saturday: 8.15 mile walk to Piermont and back (not bad except for the HUGE blister I got)

• Hmmmmm, always working on this one: Lose the Booze! The weekend included an extra bottle of wine that I really didn't need. Working on moderation! I wish wine would come in single serving bottles. ;)
• Activity: I want to get to my May running goal of 26.2 total miles. I'm really close and after a run this morning I only need 3.2 more miles. I would also like to get back out on my bike...but perhaps I need to invest in some padded shorts first. And if I'm going to continue to spend more time in Rockland County, I need to invest in upgrading my gym membership so I can go here. I don't want my weight training to stop.
• With temperatures rising, I need to get out on my runs EARLY in the morning. It was nearly 80 degrees when I was running at 8:30 am today. And it nearly killed me. If I want to keep working on my speed and endurance I need to have the temps on my side. I will eventually become a morning person!
• Track, track, track. 
• Try one new recipe this week (and track it).
• I want to focus on my goal to get out of the 180s this week. It's so close now. And I think keeping this goal in the front of my mind might help with the everyday decisions. I'm not putting a date on when I think I should reach this goal, but I want to keep moving in the right direction. I'm getting out of the freakin 180s!!

Oh, By the Weigh | May 20, 2012

So far I feel like moving my weigh-in day was a great idea. It's making me think about things a little differently. Making this new again. I've had to change some of my strategies. It has helped me be more aware of what I'm eating. Makes me think about my indulgences a little differently.

And it's showing up in the numbers. Down 2.9lbs this week!

• Well, the obvious: DOWN 2.9 LBS! This is exactly the number I was hoping for. I like it! I love that feeling of stepping on the scale and seeing your hard work pay off. And I think it is going to help motivate me to keep moving in the right direction. It feels good to be successful on the scale again.
• Lots of great activity this week: bike ride, runs, gym time. Lots of great things and making me feel good. 
• Mentally I think I'm in a good place. I'm being productive and I'm happy. I'm dealing with stress a little better. I've also been able to see how far I have come in the last couple years. I'm learning what I can control and what I can't. Learning to have patience and a little faith. Focusing on the positive.
• I tracked almost everything I ate. Best I have done in weeks. And I also photographed most of what I ate (you can see a feed of my Instagram food photos on the left hand side of my blog.) I still get a little afraid people are going to get annoyed with all my food pics...especially since I so often eat the same thing. But there were times when it did help: I thought about eating something and then realized I didn't want to have to admit to my Instagram world that I ate it. It helped me make some good decisions. 
• My relationship with booze is moving in the right direction. I had wine a couple times this week, but didn't go overboard. I still love me some wine! But I'm just starting to learn it's not worth the damage it does to my body...short term and long term. On that note, I also saw this amazing frozen sangria I want to try! {Hey, I'm working on balance here.}
• I didn't go overboard at the graduation party this weekend. Oh, and I wore a dress that I love (definitely making the switch to dresses this summer, it's been seven summers of shorts and camp t-shirts. I'm going to have as much fun with my wardrobe as my very tiny budget will allow me to.)

• Sunday: Gym - Arc Trainer for 15 minutes; about 1/2 The Circuit
• Monday: Gym - Arc Trainer for 45 minutes
• Tuesday: Morning - The Circuit and 10 minutes on Arc Trainer; Afternoon - walk on the boardwalk
• Wednesday: Walk on the boardwalk
• Thursday: Gym - The Circuit (one round); Arc Trainer for about 10 minutes
• Friday: 4 mile run on the boardwalk
• Saturday: 25 mile bike ride

• Activity: I want to get two good runs in this week! Hopefully the rain won't stay around too long. 
• I want to add four items to my Etsy shop: www.dregetscrafty.etsy.com
• I want to apply for two jobs. 
• Track all week and have another successful week on the scale!
• I recently found out my blood pressure is high. It could be because of some medication I was on (the doctor took me off it this week), or it could be stress. But there is a history of high blood pressure in my family. And this is just not something I want to deal with as I get older. It's funny how it's so hard to relate our food choices to something like high blood pressure. There is an obvious link and it should be enough to make it easy to make the right choice. But it's not. I often don't think about my blood pressure when deciding what to eat or drink. I think about my appearance or the number on the scale...but not my blood pressure. I want to try to be more mindful in this respect. That I have to ability to make my body the best it can be...and that it goes so far beyond looking good in a dress or seeing the numbers go down on the scale. I want my heart to be healthy so that it can keep my body going...so I can go on bike rides and climb mountains for many, many more years to come.

Oh, By The Weigh | April 6, 2012

I didn't weigh in this morning. Not the greatest week. I could give you excuses (i.e. stress, stressing about money, allergies, lazy, fast food, wine...did I mention allergies?), but the fact is I just didn't give it my all this week and I'm not going to torture myself by getting on the scale. It doesn't mean I have given up. I've used this strategy in the past and I think it works and is fair. Makes it easier to have a fresh start, wipe the slate clean. One bad week out of four is not horrible. On the plus side, I got my first kettlebell workout in on Tuesday and I plan to do the circuit tomorrow to meet my April challenge. I set some ambitious goals for myself on RunKeeper and I'm making progress towards them. I had some great salads. And I tackled some major life chores that I have been putting off. All in all, not horrible. :)

Oh, By The Weigh | March 30, 2012

First of all, I'm pretty sure I'm going to win the lottery tonight, so if I disappear from this blog for awhile that's why.

Second, I'm down this week! I lost .6 lbs! I wasn't fabulous this week. Too much wine, not great workouts everyday. But besides that, I would say it was pretty good. And come to think of it, I actually had two great workouts on Monday and Thursday. And I completed my March challenge to do the Planet Fitness circuit at least 2 times each week. The important thing is I'm feeling good! I didn't did let the shock of last week's weigh-in (which I totally didn't blog about) sabotage my motivation.

I'm still missing the thrill of seeing my Weight Watchers weight graph angle downward.

Tired of the straight line stuff.

But, I'm doing better than I have been in awhile. I'm toning up and feeling good about that. I'm eating great most of the time. And I'm getting my activity in. I just need to be consistent and this will work. I want to have that feeling of success again. While I am not where I want to be right now, it is much easier to focus on the potential progress I can make. When my size 12 jeans were a little tighter than I wanted them to be I thought: "I can't wait for the day when these are too loose." And when I realized how far away I was being out of the 180s last week, I thought: "But one day soon I will be 170-something and I can't wait to experience that."

I just have to focus on making this happen for myself.

• I completed my March Planet Fitness challenge. And I love how I'm feeling and can't wait to keep going. I'm ok with the fact that this toning work may make the number on the scale higher for awhile. I like the changes in my body and am excited to see more. 
• I managed to get some activity in everyday this week except Sunday. 
• I got some life chores done (paying bills, updating insurance, etc). My days of avoiding the not so fun stuff are over. 
• I read a lot! And I'm loving it. 
• I tracked most days. 

• Friday: Planet Fitness Circuit
• Saturday: Ran 3.66 miles on the Boardwalk; first half was great - the fastest I've ever done it; my hamstring started cramping at the end (I haven't pushed myself that hard since).
• Sunday: Rest Day
• Monday: Morning - 3.8 mile walk on the boardwalk; Afternoon - 45 minutes on the Arc Trainer, great workout and sweated a lot, made me remember how much I do love my gym workouts)
• Tuesday: Planet Fitness Circuit
• Wednesday: Morning - 2.5 mile beach walk (it's hard walking on the sand); Afternoon - 2 mile walk to the beach and back (included some me time at the beach and love it!)
• Thursday: Morning - Planet Fitness circuit (went around the circuit twice and it was a great workout!); Evening - 1.6 mile walk around the neighborhood
• Friday: 1.6 mile around the neighborhood

•  I want to focus on my workouts this week. After the cramp I got on Saturday I thought I gave myself an excuse to take it easy (although looking back I think I did pretty good). I want to focus on my running though. I want to get a good run in Sunday, Monday and Thursday
• Set a new toning/weight lifting goal for April. I want to do something similar to last month, but maybe include some kettlebell work or something. But I want to take some time tomorrow to write out my goal and make a chart like last month
• Focus on getting more veggies in my evening meals. Eat one piece of fruit each day. 
• Set up a concrete goal for my graphic design work - I want to use the same strategy that worked with my March Planet Fitness challenge, but for the week. It's all part of setting a routine for myself. 

Current Weight: 186.6

Oh, By The Weigh | March 16, 2012

The Bad News: I have still not worked up the courage to get on the scale.

The Good News: I'm feeling great and my pants are feeling looser.

I feel like I'm doing things right. My head is in a good place, most of the time. I'm getting in great workouts, consistently. I'm eating great, 85% of the time.

But I'm still afraid to get on the scale. Afraid of what the mental consequences might be. I'm just not sure I'm willing to risk the great motivation I seem to have right now. But I think it might be time. Next Friday I'm getting on that scale no matter what.

Cause even though this journey is suppose to be about getting healthy and feeling good, I'm also doing this to lose weight. I want to be thinner. I want to look better in clothes. I want to feel better about myself. I want to be able to do anything I want to do and not feel like my weight is holding me back, either mentally or phisically.

And I need to make sure I'm moving in the right direction.

I also think that getting on the scale again will help hold me more accountable. It's easier to not track when I'm not weighing in, cause I feel like it doesn't matter as much. It's easier to have that ice-cream after dinner, cause I won't feel it on the scale latter.

Maybe, most importantly, I miss that feeling of actually losing weight and having the evidence right there in front of me. Sure, I think I'm looking thinner, but that is such a subjective thing for me...my mood and how I'm feeling about myself completely impacts my body perception. It's crazy how much it does.

So here's the plan:

• Have a great week. Do what I've been doing and take it to the next level. 
• Food: I'm plan on preparing my own dinners this week. I want to put clean, simple food into my body. I want to provide myself with the best fuel possible. 
• Workouts: Continue running and doing the circuit at Planet Fitness.
• Keep myself busy: I want to make sure I'm working on job applications, practicing my graphic design and being crafty. Also, I want to make sure I'm getting the everyday little chores done (bill paying, doctor appointment making, etc). I'm stressed about life right now and my go to coping mechanism is to avoid all of that. I'm not avoiding life this week!
• Read: I just really enjoyed getting back into reading this past week and it made me happy. I'm going to make time each day to read a book. (Not just blogs!)

On Friday, when I weigh in, I'm going to take my measurement first. I have finally implemented a consistent strength training plan, and as a result I might be getting heavier, but fitter and tighter and thinner. I'm taking measurements first so that I can hopefully see some progress even if the scale isn't exactly where I want it to be.

And most importantly I'm going to work on having faith this week. Faith in myself. That I can do this and I'm making the right choices to get to where I want to be. Faith that it won't happen all at once, but if I keep working towards it (all of it: weight, confidence, life, job) it will happen.

So here is to a great week of doing and not just hoping!

Oh, By The Weigh | March 2, 2012

Good week this week. I tracked...most of the time. I got in lots of great activity. And I managed to keep myself busy. But I still didn't weigh in this morning. I think there is a big part of me still not over being stuck at 180-something for so long. I don't like the number on the scale and when I weigh in that becomes the focus. I forget about all the good things I have done. I get frustrated all over again. I lose confidence in myself and then I lose motivation.

At the gym on Thurs.

I'm also staying away from the scale because I think I got really good at finding ways to trick the scale: only weighing in first thing in the morning, eating very little the couple days right before my weigh-in day, staying away from anything with any significant amount of salt. The scale would go down a couple pounds, but it wasn't a real loss. And it would work for a couple weeks, but then I would be up again and I would be upset and lose motivation.

So, I haven't weighed in since Feb 3.

I do have to say that in a lot of ways it makes it really hard to know exactly where I stand. I have no idea how much I weigh right now. I could be 190 or I could be 180. My clothes seem to be fitting better, so I know I'm doing something right. But sometimes I'm feeling slimmer and other moments I'm feeling fat and bloated...

But I guess overall I'm feeling much better. Healthier. Motivated. Committed for the long run.

And I'm not sure if I'm going to get on the scale again next week. I've thought about maybe just taking measurements. I think my biggest fear is that I will step on the scale and it won't be exactly what I want and I will lose motivation. And right now I feel like I've got some good momentum going and I don't want to lose it. For now I plan on re-evaluating middle of next week.

This was a good week as far as getting things done. I'm feeling like I'm accomplishing something. Which is a good feeling.  I stayed active. I stayed away from bread and other carbs that make me feel slow and just leave me craving more food. I'm drinking a lot of water. I think it was a good week.

I had some great workouts this week.

• I started running on the boardwalk and I'm really falling in love with running outside. I don't know why I avoided it for so long. It's so much more enjoyable to run a mile outside than it is to run a mile on a treadmill. 
• I did the circuit at Planet Fitness and think I finally found a weight lifting regime that I like. More on this in another post. 
• It just felt good to really sweat again. 

Although I had a great week, I think I want to try to move to the next level next week:

• Track my workouts more. I always input my activity into the online WW tracker. And I have been using run keeper for my outside runs and walks, but I want to keep a more detailed log of what I'm doing. I want to start using my heart rate monitor again and tracking calories and my heart rate. For now it's just because I think I'm motivated by numbers and I like looking back at all the work I did, but maybe sometime in the near future I will be able to use this information to direct my workouts so that I'm getting the most out of my activity. One idea that I have been thinking about is EXERCISING SMARTER. I want a lean, mean and efficient body. Next week I want to have a detailed summary of what I did each day in the activity section of my weekly wrap up.
• Track all my food! I think this is always a goal and I know how important it is. I can do better than I have been doing. 
• Be more mindful during dinner. I know what works best for me is preparing all my own food, but that just isn't an option all the time. But I have the skills to make better decisions and stick to what works best for me. 
• I want to spend one hour each weekday on building my web-designs skills. I need to get into this habit and start to really put some work into my future. It all seems so overwhelming at the moment and as a result I'm avoiding (my usual coping mechanism). If I just start with baby steps I will eventually get to where I want to be (hmmm...recurring theme, no?)
• While I feel like I was accomplishing things this past week, I still want to work on a more consistent routine. And I want to keep working on gaining the skills and confidence that will make me marketable and able to support myself again. 
• Continue to try to take more photos of myself. I have to have the confidence in myself that photos I take today will soon be my "before" photos. 

Current Weight: ??

Oh, By the Weigh | Feb 3, 2011

I lost one pound this week. I should be ecstatic, but I'm just somewhat happy. Because my weight right now is not where I want it. But I just need to keep going slowly. Just need to focus on going in the right direction and stop going back and forth so much! I know my attitude needs some help. I'm stuck in that all-or-nothing mentality and my patience has gone far, far away. I want it all to happen right now and when it doesn't I get upset and give up momentarily...and then I jump back into it, swearing I won't eat any chocolate or any carbs or anything bad for me. I consider doing juice cleanses and only eating fruit for a day.  But when that's too hard I just eat whatever, because who really cares anymore....

Viscous, viscous cycle. {AND NOT VERY HEALTHY}

Current Weight: 188lbs (-1lb for the week)

Oh, By the Weigh | Jan 13, 2012

Totally been a slacker on the blog and haven't checked in with last Friday's weigh-in. My only good reason is laziness (and perhaps lack of routine - still working on that.) I was down this week. Not as much as I hoped. The scale is a little perplexing lately and I think some of it has to do with water retention from weight training - oh, why must you make it so hard?!?!?

I didn't get a lot of workouts in last week. I'm working on that this week. My parents got a new treadmill and I have already had a couple good workouts this week.

All and all, not a horrible week, but I can do better. At least I lost two weeks in a row!! Hopefully I can make it three.


Current Weight: 185lbs (-.6 for the week)

Oh, By the Weigh | Jan 6, 2012

Walking w/ Cooper

I feel like I had a fairly successful week and it paid off! I needed a good jump start to get things going in the right direction. And somehow, that magical day of 1.1.2012 did make things change. I know I was probably using the New Year as an excuse before to not really try that hard. But now it's for real. I'm ready to lose the next 30lbs!

Some things that worked this week:

• Tracking - I tracked all my food all week! I know this makes such a huge difference for me, and yet some weeks I just don't do it. This week I did. Even all weekend long. Tracking helps me feel in control and keeps me accountable. It takes the guess work out of things. It stops me from convincing myself that one extra cookie won't really makes a difference. 
• Clean Eating all Weekend - I kept my eating clean and lean over the weekend. I don't think this is something I can do all the time. I know that I am better at making good decisions most of the time when I know I can have a day or an evening where I can just eat and have some wine and not think about it so much. But maybe throwing in a couple more clean weekends would be helpful. Most importantly I need to make sure that indulging over the weekend doesn't spill over into Monday and Tuesday and maybe even Wednesday. Not having a set schedule means the weekends are less defined. I need to be very mindful of this. 
• Activity - I got some sort of activity in every day this week. And I got three good runs this week. I can already feel myself getting stronger and I have more endurance. I ran at a fairly good pace for 20 minutes straight the other day. While I'm still slow and have to stop and walk a lot, I can tell I'm getting better! I love that feeling that I'm getting better and better at something. The miles are adding up!
• Cooked My Own Food - Being home has been hard because there is so much food available in the house. I know I do better when I stick to some basic and very simple meals. I often eat the same thing day after day, week after week. I tend not get bored and it works for me. I'm gonna stick to this plan and eat what works for me. I just need to take everyone else out of the equation to be successful. 
• Loose the Booze - I wasn't completely booze free all week...I had one glass on Wednesday night after having a really rough day. I managed to only have ONE glass (which is usually my problem, I have one and I want more). But, as I know, staying away from the booze makes such a huge difference. I get better workouts in and I'm not consuming all the calories. I just feel so much better. Need to keep it up.

Things I want to work on this week:

• Drinking water consistently.
• Incorporate weight training into my workouts - I joined a Weight Watchers Challenge and my goal is to get in at least one weight training workout each week. I'm planning on doing my Bob Harper Kettlebell workout. I'm hoping once I start I will get into really into and keep going. 
• Take my vitamins.
• Take more photos: I want to document my progress more in photos. 
• Try to set up a routine for myself - I'm slowly starting to figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm hoping that I can look back on my lack of a job and no interviews the past three months as a great opportunity to figure out what I really want to do and make it happen. I have some great ideas and I know where I want to end up. I just need to set goals for myself and really work everyday to get to where I want to be. And I need to seriously get into a routine. It is way too easy to wake up and find a Top Chef: Texas marathon on the TV and waste the whole day away. I can't waste away this precious time!

Weight Loss Goals:

• Lose Two Weeks in a Row: I want to lose two weeks in a row. I need to get out of the cycle of losing one week and then gaining or staying the same the next week. I need to get momentum going in the right direction.
• Get out of the 180s: I have been in the 180s WAY TOO LONG. I'm really focusing on just getting out of the 180s.  

In the 180s WAY TOO LONG!

 I'm finally excited by the challenge of losing weight again. I feel like I have the tools to do it and I just need to do it. I'm staying focused on the long term goal without being overwhelmed by it. And I plan on having another successful weigh in next week.

Current Weight: 185.6 (-4.2lbs for the week)

Oh, By The Weigh | Dec 30, 2011

I don't want to talk about it...I had subway for lunch yesterday...I'm hoping that explain this...salty processed lunch meat + lots of bread could be the culprit.

But I know that's not the whole story...

Current Weight: 189.8

Oh, By the Weigh | Dec 23, 2011

Tis the Season

The scale, again, was not my friend this morning. But I'm totally OK with that. Cause I know exactly why. Too many yummy cookies and bread in the house. Tis the season I suppose. And I think I have it in the back of my head that I'm really going to kick this into high gear come the first of the year. Maybe not the healthiest mindset. And I really don't want to be gaining weight at all. But, the fact is I'm not being totally unhealthy and I feel pretty good. I've been getting in activity every day...usually more than once a day. I'm only having a boozey drink about once a week. I'm eating fruits and veggies. And most importantly, when I pick up that cookie I know exactly what I'm doing. I know if I eat that cookie, I'm not going to lose weight this week. It's pure science...and I'm not beating myself up about it, I'm not convincing myself that just this one cookie won't matter and then be upset by what I see later on the scale. It is what it is.

But. BUT. but, I know things have to change if I want to be successful. I keep asking myself: What is going to change on that magical day: Jan 1, 2012. The fact is I will be the same person with the same circumstances. And something has to change if I'm going to lose the weight. Yes, there will be fewer cookies in the house. But there will always still be temptations. I'm going to have to make a change. I know that.

So, I have to figure that out. I want to reach my next goal. It's been awhile.

Success came pretty easy before...at least it feels that way now. I just need to get back there.

Things I'm going to do this week to get back to that place of success:

• Track All Week - I have not been doing this at all. Tracking works! And it's not that hard. Just do it. No excuses. 
• Go back and read my blog when I first started - I need to remember what worked for me. Go back to those basics. 
• Start planning my meals - I always thought that I didn't plan my meals...but in a way I did. I went to the grocery store and bought the food I was going to eat in the upcoming week. I was planning my meals.
• Activity, activity, activity - I need to keep moving. It makes me feel so much better. And I want to try to get two "runs" in this week.
• Continue to Lose the Booze
• Keep checking in with Habit Streak - I want to do a full post on this later. I really think the idea of streaks is a great thing for me.

And most importantly, focus on this idea: I just need to make Good/Healthy decision MOST of the time...

Current Weight: 187.0

Oh, By the Weigh | Dec 16, 2011

So this week the numbers on the scale weren't fabulous, but the whole mental part...the part that really trips me up...is starting to come back around. I think one of the hardest parts for me is that I want to lose all the weight RIGHT NOW. I want instant results. I want to be thin right now. I want to be able to run 5 miles right now. And when it didn't happen right away I would give up for a week and undo all the good I had just done.

But I think the reason why I was so successful last Spring was that I was OK with the fact that this is a process. This is a new way of living. And it's going to take time.

What I keep thinking to myself is that if I lose the same amount of weight I did last year after the new year, I will be at my goal. And while it was hard work, it wasn't so horrible...it wasn't THAT hard.

Focusing on the early success and knowing that I can do it again.

And yes, I have other things to worry about. I need to find a job. I need to figure out exactly where I want to be. I still don't really have a routine. My access to a gym just got limited. But I really want to get healthy...I really want to reach my goal.

And this week I made good progress towards that goal. Here are some highlights:

• I got some great workouts in this week. Some real sweaty workouts. Which I love and are a bit harder to get here in CO...the sweat just evaporates way too quick. But I love sweaty workouts. And I need to keep them coming. 
• I didn't drink all week. I LOVE a glass of wine and I'm not totally going to cut it out of my life during this journey, but I know I can't drink all the time. The week before last I had week almost every night and I could feel it...on my waist line and my energy level. I'm going to try to try to keep it down to once a week. I'm having a glass two glasses tonight. And then I'm not drinking again until Christmas. I plan on making this tasty cocktail: vodka with seltzer and small splash of pomegranate juice. I think my mom will love it. 
• I didn't focus too much on what I was eating other than I was eating super healthy during the day (the easy part) and then let myself eat what ever I wanted to at dinner. Which usually meant too much of the wrong or right stuff. My family is trying to be healthy, but I think it works best for me when I just kinda do my own thing. When people cook I tend not to track (mainly because I feel like I don't know how many point values something has...and then not tracking leads to over eating). I think I might have to make the decision to cook my own dinner. This is what works best for me. I need to control what I am eating and not worry about what other people are eating. 
• I stopped making excuses and focused on what works...I have to eat less and move more. I need to put healthy things into my body. This is science. That's how it works. Expend more calories than you consume and you will lose weight. But you won't lose it overnight. It takes time. 
• I started using the Habit Streak app. I think the idea of streaks really works for me. My streaks so far: no booze, brush teeth before bed, get some activity in, go to gym, track on WW. 

Friday food

So, successful week I think. Today was pretty good. I got in some good activity and I ate fairly well, until dinner...when i just ate what was cooked and ate as much as I wanted because I thought I wasn't going to really be able to track it. But, while I'm not happy with the over-eating...I DID track it...as best I could. I am having some wine tonight. But not too much. The plan is to eat healthy most of the time and enjoy the things I want in moderation. That's how life works. :) That's how this works for me.

And here's the thing...I'm gonna do this. And need to remind myself of that...write it out as much as possible. I just need to keep saying it over and over again. I need to focus on my success story. I think I'm finally OK with the fact that my success story is going to contain a 6 month plateau. I have to remember the big picture. I'm making goals and I'm going to focus on reaching them. And once I reach that goal I'm going to care that it took a bit longer than I wanted.

Current Weight: 185.8

Goal I'm focusing on in the short term: GET INTO THE 170's

Goal Weight: 160lbs

Oh, By the Weigh | Nov 25, 2011

This week was consumed by time off with my mom and Thanksgiving Day plans. And while I didn't do so great at staying on plan, I managed to stay somewhat focused on the whole idea of balance...and didn't go completely overboard. And it paid off - down .4lbs this AM. And that was even after Thanksgiving Day dinner.

Goals this week:

• Track Sunday-Thursday.
• Lose weight two weeks in a row. 
• Take my measurements and start tracking measurements. 
• Blog twice this week.
• Finish my About Me section.

I got a new computer!!!!...so no excuses for not blogging more. :) I'm hoping I can spend these next few weeks really focusing on motivation and follow through...on this get healthy journey and with the rest of my life. Just have to focus on taking small steps...they will all add up soon!!


Current Weight: 185.6 lbs

Week In Review: Things - They Are A Changin'

Life is a little crazy right now. Lots of changes are about to happen. I'm about to move out of my apartment and move to Maine for the summer. And there are other things in the mix too. I think in the end they are all going to be very positive changes. But it makes it a little bit difficult to stay on track.

The last few weeks I was feeling a little out of control. Even though I was still eating well, I had basically stopped tracking. So I was really focusing on tracking this week and just remembering to do the little things that have helped me be successful this far.

Here is a little recap of the week of Friday, April 29th - Thursday, May 5:

Moments of Brilliance:

• I got some sort of activity in almost everyday. I'm feeling stronger and healthier and finding I need to push myself even harder to feel like I'm getting that really hard workout in. But, I'm also listening to my body, and taking it easy when I need to. And, I'm not letting circumstances dictate my workouts. I couldn't make it to the gym on Thursday and had some errands to run, but I managed to get out for a great late evening walk. I know that if I just keep moving it is going to help with my attitude and stress and just feeling so much better.
  

•  On Monday I had the day off and I walked to Piermont - 7.3 miles. It was a long walk and I was super tired after. But it wasn't completely unbearable and I'm glad I did it. You can see my route below. There is a little service road that runs all the way from Nyack to Piermont (and beyond - I'm not even sure how far it goes, but I think all the way into New Jersey. I have always wanted to ride my bike down it, but I know my road bike would not be able to handle the terrain.) The service road is nice because I wasn't walking on concrete the entire time.
  

• I tracked almost everyday this week. The weekends are still a struggle, but I'm working on it and happy with what I did track this week.
  

• **My total weight loss is 25lbs!** And I spoke with my doctor during the week and we set a goal weight of 164 lbs (that is 10 lbs above the recommend range for my height). We both agreed that with my body type, I'm never going to be the 5'6" 140 something girl. That is just not me. And I am totally fine with that. I have been a little stressed about setting my goal weight. I have always weighed more than what people would think I weighed when they look at me. Which was a huge mental block for me for many years I think - it really effected my body image and was the source of a lot of confusion for me. But after a good talk with my doc, I'm feel good about my goal weight. AND - that means I'm and exactly half way to goal. Only 25lbs more to lose! :)
  

• Lose the Booze is going well - although it was pretty easy so far since I haven't been drinking during the week anyway. 

Looking Forward - Goals and Exciting Things Coming Up

• This next week I really want to focus on continuing to track. I think this is such an important part of all this right now and has been working. 
• Keep the workouts up! And try to make it to the gym as often as possible, since soon I will not have the option of going. 
• Figure out how I can blog more often with all that is going on. I think this will be a good way to stay motivated and keep my head in the game.
• Finish reading Skinny Bitch.
  
• And I need to work on focusing on me! I'm about to move into a situation where I am going to have much less control over what I can do and what I can eat. I think so far I have had this mentality that if I just maintain while I'm at camp then I will be happy. But that is not the truth. I am halfway to goal, and if I was continuing on as I have been I would reach goal by the end of the summer. There is absolutely no reason why I can't do that while I'm at camp. I need to focus on me and what's important to me.That's the only way this is going to happen.

Week in Reveiw: Just Way Too Busy

I've just been really horrible about this whole thing lately.

It's been a crazy few weeks. Work is busy. I have no car. I haven't been tracking.

But! I still lost the pound this week.

Through it all I've managed to listen to that little voice in my head just telling me to live a balanced life. I didn't use the excuse that I don't have a car and can't go grocery shopping to eat what ever I wanted. I didn't stop getting some activity in just because I don't have a car to drive myself to the gym.

I'm not gonna lie, I haven't felt completely on track and I know there are some good habits that I need to keep up and incorporate back into my daily routine if this is really going to work. But I'm still working towards my goal.

Almost 25 pounds gone baby! Almost in the 180s! I'm excited.

Current Weight: 191.4 lbs.

Weeks (4) in Review: It's Really Been A Month?

The Spring is always a busy time for me...and it clearly shows since it has been a whole month since I last posted here.

But, luckily, my blogging is my biggest area of slacking. Things have been going fairly well and I crossed the 20 lbs lost mark this week!!

I really hope to take some time to reflect on my experiences (including surviving a conference in Atlantic City and even managing to get in a workout), but for now here is a look at the progress I have made:

 

Being so close to going under 190lbs is huge! I honestly can't remember a day in my adult life that I was 180 something!  :)

Current Weight: 192.4 lbs

Week In Review: A Little Reframing Needed

I got a little obsessed this week...with the scale. After last week's confusing weigh in I was having high anxiety about getting on the scale again. And all the sudden my week became about Friday morning and what I could do to make sure the number went down again. In the back of my head I didn't really think it was possible. I still think last week's 5.8lb lost was a little bit of a fluke...plus I'm about to get my period and I think I'm retaining water from some super intense workouts this week. I was pretty sure when I stepped on the scale again I was going to weigh more than 195.6 lbs. There were a couple days during the week where I wasn't sure I was ready for that. I had been doing everything right...why was the scale going to punish me now with a gain?

And that's when I realized I need to focus on something other than the scale and my weigh in. Those 60 seconds I spend on the scale on Friday mornings should not totally consume my entire week. I need to stay focused more on my healthy decisions...what I'm doing to put me first...the great moments I have and how good I'm feeling...you know all the stuff that happens every other second of the week. So my WI blog posts are no more. I'm still going to do a post at the end of the week and it will include my current weight. But it's not going to be all about that number. I'm going to recap my last week and lay out some goals for the next week. I've seen a few other bloggers do this (especially *Bitch Cakes*) and I think it is a great idea!

Moments of Brilliance:

• I tracked all week - and felt like I ate better this week than I have in awhile.

• I worked out 6 out of the 7 days this week. Friday night I was even able to run for ten minutes. Which is something I don't really remember doing in a while. I have managed to keep my workouts pretty varied and I'm not killing myself everyday. I have a couple intense workouts, but also take it easy some nights. I feel like I'm finding a good balance with my workouts. I am getting stronger and stronger, but I'm not completely exhausted and can actually get out of bed in the morning.
• I have started posting on the WW message boards and commenting on other people's blogs. And I have started to tell more friends about my get-healthy goals. I think it's important to have a community around me to help and encourage me. I think in the past I have been ashamed of being overweight. I never let people know I was trying to loose weight and get healthier because that meant admitting to them that I wasn't perfect.
• Saturday night I dragged my friend to a Roller Derby bout in Yonkers. I've never been, but a another friend of mine joined a league this Fall and she suggested I should check it out. We drove to Yonkers, had dinner at Bella Havanna and then went to the bout. It was interesting to say the least. But once we called my friend to get a quick run-down of the rules it was actually fun to watch. Here are some photos from the night. 

Mojitos at Bella Havana

Suburbia Roller Derby Brawl v. LIRR

 Looking Forward - Goals and Exciting Things Coming Up

• I want to make sure I track everyday this week. I know it just makes me feel more in control of the situation, and even when I feel like things are not going exactly as they should be I can look back and see what good decisions I have made. 
• Workouts - Monday and Thursday are going to be my intense workouts this week. 20 minutes on the Arc Trainer / 20 minutes on the stairclimber / 20 minutes on the bike
• I want to run for at least one mile this week on the treadmill. 
• Focus on drinking water. There are days I just forget to drink it and I can tell. Need to stay hydrated. Makes me feel so much better. 
• Don't focus on the scale and my weigh-in day.

Current Weight: 199.2 lbs

WI: What?

Current Weight: 195.6 lbs

I must have stepped on the scale 10 times this morning and every time it was 195.something!

Honestly, I'm glad...but whoa. What happened?

The scale is a crazy thing and I'm not sure I completely believe it.

Of course I got the little warning from WW online that I must be excited I'm losing weight, but I'm losing too quickly. That's the frustrating thing about this online WW thing. A computer can't look back at your history and be like "well, when you stepped on the scale last Friday you didn't loose anything that week week, but you still made good decisions and maybe something was going on that you were heavier last week and then it all caught up this week."

I don't know! It's confusing. And honestly makes me a little nervous.

I'm under 200lbs! This is something I have wanted since I got back from camp in August. I couldn't believe I was over 200lbs again and just wanted so bad to get back under 200lbs. But it feels weird. I wasn't expecting it to come like this. AND...I'm so close to losing 20lbs!!! Which is great...but so crazy. Where did these 5.8lbs go? And how did they go away so fast? Is it just a fluke...was I super dehydrated or something? And then what happens when next week I loose nothing?

Ugh! I guess this just shows how the I can't live my life according to the scale. I'm happy for the loss and the hard work is paying off. And I'm going to accept that. And I'M FEELING GREAT! And I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing. And if I stay the same next Friday then fine. I'm doing what I'm suppose to be doing.

Just confused...

WI: Stayed the Same

Current Weight: 201.4

*I STAYED THE SAME THIS WEEK*

I totally expected it. I'm OK with it. I feel strong, I feel healthy.

I'm still making good choices.

The weekend was a little over the top...and I think I let Valentine's Day get to me. Not gonna lie, my body image is so wrapped up in my feelings of loneliness and unworthiness at times... And I don't think I fully realized it this weekend. Until this moment, I THOUGHT I was handling it just fine. But, I'm writing this blog and getting a little teary eyed. That baked ziti I ate late Saturday night was definitely emotional eating. I didn't need it, I wasn't hungry. But I felt empty, I felt like something was missing. And I ate. I knew it wasn't going to make me feel better in the long run, but I guess I did it anyway. I wanted to feel good in that moment.

But I have to let go of this desperation to be with a man. I need to realize that a man will not make me whole. I need to feel whole on my own. To realize I'm great and that I deserve to be treated amazingly by a man. And that I will also always be amazing without one by my side. Because until then I'm not going to be ready for a relationship.

But I knew all this before Monday. And there are times that I *FEEL* this. Truly feel it down to the core and it helps me make healthy decisions. But I'm still going to have those moments where I struggle. Where I might not make the right decision. It's all part of the journey.

The important thing to remember is that I'm sitting here this morning feeling good about my decisions. Feeling good about my internal monologue. I didn't let the weekend or Valentines ruin my whole week or impact the progress I've made so far. I still went to the gym. I still ate great. I said yes when I should, and no when I should.

One thing I'm most proud about is that on Wednesday, when I got a late night text from someone wanting a little company I said no, because I knew I deserved better. I didn't latch onto something that may have made feel good in that moment, but later just leave me feeling empty and alone.

So maybe I didn't stay the same this week.

The number is the same, but things are changing. I'm truly choosing to put me first.

PLUS: I had to wear a belt today with pants that use to be too tight!!!

A Little Off This Week

My tracking has not been great this week. And I don't really know why...I'm sure I could come up with a a million excuses, but I'm done with excuses. I just didn't do it. And I need to.

I don't feel like I have been out of control with my eating. And I'm feeling pretty good this week. Maybe a little tired, but good. But I also feel like I'm not going to see a weight loss when I get on the scale tomorrow morning. Which I'm OK with. I think our bodies just fight against this weight loss thing sometimes and you have weeks like this. I have been feeling this way all week, but I didn't let it get me totally derailed. I'm still eating smart, making good choices.

Maybe the weekend included an extra indulgence or two that I could have done with out. And maybe that's what threw off my tracking... I use to get this mentality that if I screwed it up already, why should I keep going? And while I think a little bit of that may have been at play here, I didn't let those feelings overwhelm me. I still managed to track...even if it was sporadic. I also ate new foods this week...which I think is good. But they weren't easy things I could find on the tracker. So lesson learned...when I try a new recipe over the weekend and I plan on eating it all week I need to figure out the Point+ values over the weekend when I have all the information with me. Then tracking will be easier during the week.

I am also over a month in...and maybe I was feeling over confident. But I still need to track. I'm still learning how many Points+ certain foods have. I need to keep the good practices up until they become second nature. I'm not there yet. That is to be expected.

But I need to keep doing what works. I need to get on that tracker and have fun doing it like I was the past month.

Sometimes I start to get nervous on weeks where I feel like it is not exactly working...that maybe the pounds aren't coming off and I'm doing something wrong or the plan is not going to work for me. I've been trying to remind myself that this is SCIENCE. WW has been working on this plan for years and it works. I just have to stick it out, be OK with the bumps along the way and just keep going.

And that's what I'm proud about this week. Because that's exactly what I did. I didn't just start eating crap and being a bum because I felt like things weren't going exactly how they were suppose to or I wasn't eating exactly what I should be to see those pounds come off.

So next week's goal: Track everyday.

I'm in this for real. And that has not wavered at all this week. I still have that final vision in my head and I am accepting that is going to take time to get there. But I feel good. So much better than just a month ago. Just think how much better I will feel in a month from now!